Thank you for the privilege of reading your book.  Like I said in the last email, I applaud you for your obedience in giving a voice to what you have learned.

I have a few thoughts that I'd like to share.

It seems logical that "the Church" would be one of the main places that Satan would aim his attack in an effort to distract and mislead the people of God.  Your experiences really confirm that.  It seems to me that the main need or desire that Satan uses is our need or desire for power and control -- exactly, as you point out, the same thing that derails people in their marriages.  The idea of servant leadership, where control or power is not even in the picture, is often a foreign concept in both of these institution.

I have been very fortunate in that I have had the opportunity to know a few very mature and humble pastors who have really modeled this concept.  (I have also had a few experiences of the other kind as well!)  I remember one sermon in particular by one of these individuals where he used the illustration of how most of us are more comfortable living in a fort built of rules and structure and habits, but that Christ is calling us to come our of our forts into the wilderness where we learn how to be totally dependant on Him.  In other words, to do just as you have written; to leave behind the security of all of our judgments and exclusions and simply live in relationship with the living God.  Wow.  What a concept.

Freedom!  Letting go of the Law, and living in relationship.  That's really a scary concept, and requires that we give up all of our notions about what is "right" and actually trust God to lead us.  And I, for one, am not perfect at that; sometimes not even close.

I really like how you take responsibility for the fact that your old approach was one of adaptation rather that initiation.  And that as you gave up this "co-dependence" and began to take responsibility for your choices, God has led you into right relationship.  With Him, and with your wife.  Pretty cool.

I have recently been struggling with the concept of 'worship' myself.  I think that a lot of church groups have gone too far in the direction of entertainment and have followed the current trend in our culture of excess stimulation.  But then again, maybe I am an ol' fuddy-duddy.  I really believe, however, that worship REQUIRES a connection with God, and that is not likely to happen when we are surrounded by a lot of distractions.  But that's MY soapbox.

I guess the flip side of people who use position (Pastor, worship leader or husband) to indulge their desire for power or control is that this allows the 'followers' to relinquish their responsibility.  And that is truly contrary to what being a Christian is all about.  Certainly we can model right behavior for others, but to stand in between then and God is not right.  The Good News of the New Covenant is that nothing -- not the law, not a priest, not more sacrifices-- is necessary to make me right with God.  That the Blood of Jesus is sufficient, and I can come before the throne of Grace clothed in nothing but that.

(P.S.  This is exactly what convinces me that mutual submission in marriage in NOT about power or authority or control, because then that would mean that the woman is not responsible for herself.  Her job is simply to obey her husband, and then it's all his fault!  Whew!  your picture of being side by side, of partnership, is what works.)

All for now.  Keep me posted on the progress!